Kang Abik's new release!

Can you buy me this book? I'll remember you for the rest of my life!

Patients seen: 4 beautiful persons..
1. A woman with Chronic Schizophrenia
2. A man with Major Depressive Disorder
3. A woman with Mental Retardation
4. A woman, undiagnosed with abnormal behaviour

BookS of the moment: Toronto Review Notes on Psychiatry, First aid to Psychiatry, Handbook of Kaplan & Sadock, DSM-IV-TR, Oxford Psychiatry! Lotsa reading to do 0_O

Depression is AWESOME

MELANcholia

Morning worsening of symptoms/PsychoMotor agitation or retardation/early Morning wakening
Excessive guilt
Loss of emotional reactivity
ANorexia/ANhedonia

If you happen to experience all the above disturbing stuffs, then find yourself a way to relax and diminish all of them. You might be depressed with melancholic features.

Depression is AWESOME

Affect is flat
Weight change (lose or gain)
Energy decreased
Sad/suicidal/social withdrawal/sexual inhibition/sleep change
Others like guilt, lost pleasure, hopeless
Memory loss
Emotional blunting

Most Used: SIG E CAPS

Sleep - Insomnia/hypersomnia
Interest - anhedonia
Guilty
Energy - fatigue
Concentration - eg. difficulty making decision
Appetite
Psychomotor - retardation (feels like walking in a mud, talking slow)/agitation
Suicidal

"Allah (alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs" [Ali 'Imran: 173]

I want to be H A P P Y~
:'(

I see U. (ICU)

Dublin, May 2nd 2010.

Salam best friends, and fellow readers.

It's warm outside, the sun is shining after a day of pouring rain.
Dublin is currently as green as it can be, and the mood cannot be any healthier. If not, merrier.

I was having a halaqa in the midst of St Stephen Green Park with my sisters last week, and I can't help snapping a few shots of the surrounding beauty.

The last two weeks was a challenging experience for me. I wasn't alone, yet I feel like I went through things by myself.
I just started my SSC (Student's Selected Component), I supposed like a mini research, and I was lost. Completely and utterly incapable of comprehending what exactly I was supposed to do.
I chose to be under the anesthesiologist’s team, so I have to be in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for the rest of the 6 weeks. If what I was going through wasn't enough, try seeing patients that can't talk to you or even look at you.

I have never learnt anesthetics, and I was clueless at what was going on around me. I followed the anesthetic’s team around for the whole first week, yet all I learnt was a medical student in the ICU is no more than a walking wall. That left me devastated.

I was eager to learn, yet nobody seems to have the time to teach me. (I believe this is too normal in a medical setting).

When I came in the General ICU for the second week, I didn't expect much, I just want to get the hand over finished with and be done for the day. That's when I met Dr. Masood.

'Hi! Will you be here for the rest of this week? Just this week?' He asked.
' No, I'll be here for the next six weeks.' I said.
'What year are you in?'
' Er, I'm in the third year'
'Okay, I'm Dr Masood, a senior registrar here,' He smiled.
'Would you mind if I follow you around?'
'Yeah, definitely!'

From there on, he kept on introducing me to all the patients we met and I mean ALL of 'em in the ICU, passionately unearthing possible causes and different types of treatment for the patients. He made sure I was right beside him all the time. That was the day when I fall in love with the world of anesthesia (I am not exaggerating). If before anesthetist to me is just the doctor who sits in the OT (operation theatre) and sneaks out every now and then to sip coffee after sedation is finished, today I learned anesthetist really does take care of patients. Inside out. The surgeons even joked that anesthetist are the doctors who skipped anatomy.

The day went on with me taking a patient's history in one of the rooms. I wasn't sure whether to interrupt the nurse on duty to give me some insights for the patient's status.

That's the thing. Please do ask the people around you for help. It doesnt matter whether they are willing to help or not, the point is, just ask. Nicely.

Alhamdulillah. Everyone was there to help me. ICU never feels so homely. :)
Alhamdulillah, Allah shows me time and perseverance are essential to acquire knowledge.
Alhamdulillah, I learnt that things don’t always go smoothly. Give it time, give yourself the opportunity to make mistakes and learn and learn.

Alhamdulillah, thank you for the guidance, the smiles and the acknowledgement. How simple gestures made my day, and lifted my spirit to gain more.

*****************************************

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT THE FIRST TIME.

Do remember that Izzati.

*****************************************

2 minggu lepas, saya buntu, bukan setakat dengan kerja-kerja seharian, tapi mungkin dengan my plan for the future. Frankly speaking, I was never serious to think of how I would lead my life.
Implicitly, the way the events built up around me the past week really got me into thinking, I need to know what I want. What I want to achieve, and how I want to make that happen. I can't keep expect things to resolve by itself, and I will be happy with whatever the outcome is.
Nevertheless, I am aware that Allah the Almighty is the Greatest Planner. The best Planner.


'Wahai sekalian orang-orang yang beriman! Mintalah pertolongan (untuk menghadapi susah payah dalam menyempurnakan sesuatu perintah Tuhan) dengan bersabar dan dengan (mengerjakan) sembahyang; kerana sesungguhnya Allah menyertai (menolong) orang-orang yang sabar ' [3:153]

Saya ingin mengulang ulasan seorang penulis mengenai ayat di atas,
Ayuh kita hayati makna ayat ini:

Solat digandingkan dengan sabar kerana perpaduan ini merupakan mata air yang tidak pernah kering dan bekal yang tidak pernah habis. Mataair yang memperbaharui tenaga , dan bekal yang menenangkan hati, sehingga tali kesabaran semakin panjang dan tidak mudah putus.

Solat adalah hubungan langsung antara manusia yang fana dengan KEKUATAN YANG ABADI.

Nota kepada diri dan sahabat: Kalau rasa ada sesuatu yang mengganggu diri anda, and you can't put your finger where to, ambil wudhu' dan solatlah. Dia Maha Mendengar, Dia Maha Mengetahui.

* P.S: Thanks asma dear, for listening.

P.P.S: LEYA! Ganbatte for the coming week! Selamat memulakan hari sebagai medical student semula!

P.P.P.S: No of patients met: Loads.

Books currently reading: Arabic Course for English Speaking Students (Madinah Islamic University) by Dr. V Abdur Rahim. (a friend of mine from Saudi invited me for lunch today, Izzati needs to brush up her Arabic language skills, or else it’ll be like itik and ayam this afternoon) :)

bring me to LIFE

I was randomly selected to be a subject in my seniors' Special Study Module (SSM) code FF-354-2009 in PPUKM. It's sort of an obligatory research conducted by students themselves, particularly the 4th year medical students facilitated by a supervisor. Since I'll be doing the same thing this year, I figured to give it a shot just to know the essentials for SSM and to be nice to my seniors. After all, I'm gonna need respondents too :D May Allah grant me with beautifully cooperative respondents afterwards :p

So the title was: The Importance of Self Awareness in Developing Reflective Skills Among Third Year UKM Medical Students. People often conduct research revolving scientific or medical studies like asthmatic patients and their quality of lives, the effect of medications and etc I bet you get the picture here. But this piece is unique to me. It is a mirror to picture myself to be better. Moreover, Prof. Har is the supervisor, more like a mother to us all. I get to join her small group discussion (SGD). She taught us how to come up with the 'correct' reflective writing, how to achieve deep reflection, how to look at the people without being biased - although you like this one person so much, you should see his/her weakness, no one is an angel nowadays so yeah, try to find Mr. Hyde in them. By knowing the weakness we could help the one we like to be better, right? If however you hate this girl/guy so much you can't even hear the name, you should not miss out their good sides.

"..It is quite possible that something you dislike is good for you and that something you love is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not" [Al-Baqarah: 216]

We learned from the movie 'Wit' starring Emma Thompson (does Nanny McPhee ring a bell?). We listed out strength and weaknesses of 4 main characters in this story - Prof. Dr. Kelekian the senior researcher in Oncolgy, Prof. Dr Vivian Bearing the patient and a scholar in 17th century English literature, Dr Jason the registrar and Susie the sensible nurse. Beneficial. It's a good movie, go watch okay please~ :)

SGD here is the intervention for this study. A good intervention indeed. Alhamdulillah. I wanna share some tips on how to reflect based on one's reflective writing that I got from the SGD:

1. Did the writer address his/her emotions in the writing?
eg: "I feel sad because I forgot the investigations of Infective Endocarditis"

2. Did the writer challenge his/her assumptions and perspectives?
eg: "I flipped through my notes and managed to come up with a diagnosis, I dare myself to present the case to the specialist and I did!"

3. Did the writer propose strategies to improve his/her critical thinking skills?

4. Is the writer a deep reflector?
- deep means he/she fulfilled the above details.

That's about it. Simple isn't it?

I think these tips work best for my case write up - at the very end of it which is the reflective part. The one where students usually copy and paste (pragmatist spotted!!) from some clinical skills or ethics articles. Now I have a totally different view of reflective writing. It's a matter of knowing yourself in and out, your fear, and how to jump into another zone that seems dangerous to you. Of course fully equipped la, if you jump right away with nothing then bear in mind that you've been told what to do but you didn't do it and now you're doomed and you're on your own. Hehe. No lah, what friends are for right? I'm pretty sure they'll help you.

It is definitely a rebirth. I'm looking forward to write a reflection that truly represent my whole involvement in my future cases. Thank you dear seniors for the kind invitation, and of course thank you Prof Har for all the enlightenment. My reflective writing won't be a dry and dead piece anymore.

no. of patients: not there yet.. 2 more days and counting..
book of the moment: cuti buku sementara :D

Izzati turns Twenty-Threeeee!

26th April 1987

Dedaun Berguguran
Membuktikan Kedewasaan
Walau Tanpa Madah Dan Hadiah
Namun Cukup Bagiku
Sekadar Ucapan

Selamat Hari Lahir
Iringi Doa Kuhulur
Bersyukur KepadaNya
Atas Nikmat Usia

Sahabatku
Usia Yang Tuhan Kurniakan Ini
Hiasilah Ia Dengan Amalan Yang Murni
Semoga Ia Menjadi Temanmu Di Akhirat Nanti
Selamat Hari Lahir

Usiamu Ibarat Mutiara
Tiada Berganti Lagi
Hiaskan Iman Bersulam Taqwa
Agar Sempat Mengucup
Haruman Syurgawi

Love Love Love,
BFF~

Of Heart and Its Resemblance

I am loved. See those beautiful vessels in red and blue passing through all sorts of different free-of-charge-tolls originated mainly from the most exquisite one stop center - The Heart? With the size of a clenched fist, the heart controls the pumping of blood to various parts of the body throughout my lifetime, preventing me from, well, being dead. It keeps on accomplishing homeostasis regulated by The Perfect Lover, Allah The Almighty. I am so loved by The Most Deserving Lover!

Now excuse me for the excitement. Unearthing the fact that I am loved is just so wonderful I cant put it into words. So what I usually do to repay those endless love is to gratify Him and to reflect things that He granted. In this case, the heart :)

My ubersweet senior once told me that the heart - anatomically and physiologically resembles some features of my religion, Islam and it goes both ways. Allow me to show you how :)

You see, the heart doesn't just emerge or come into sight, and blend with the body in a place that it thinks right. It is owned and created by Allah Subhanahu Wata'ala, just like He created the world, the people, the trees, the singing birds and buzzing bugs as well as littlest things that ever exist. Owing to this fact, Islam too, is His inside out. Verily, Islam, like heart, is featured as Rabbaniyah.

The next resemblance will be Syumuliyah which means complete. As you can see, the picture shows that a single heart is an all-embracing organ with complete receiving and ejecting chambers, the vessels that allow blood flow in and out from it, all set in a perfect shape with a perfect function. Needless to say, Islam is a complete religion. Islam embrace all, you name it. From a prayer as you wake up in the morning, next up you work hard like Allah told you so, you buy and sell things while obeying Islamic guidance on economy, you saw hundreds of so called worldly justice with tremendous flaws that fails innocent people (whilst the 'abandoned' Islamic law never fail us), you learn how important marriage constitutes a better community and ummah, you follow Rasulullah (peace be upon him) on how he interacts with people be it family friends frenemies enemies strangers or nature that surrounds you, the list goes on that it saddened me knowing that my knowledge about Islam is very scanty, and lastly, most importantly, Islam gives you the purpose of life, the reason to live by. Gasp. (cakap byk sgt x cukup nafas) Thus I know I should continue digging. I know WHY I must continue to dig. Because Islam has it all. All I have to do is to open a book, refer to the most trusted person about Islam when I encounter any problems regarding 'hukum hakam' and things like that. Gosh I really need a degree on this.

Islam, being universal or 'Alamiyah also fills me with amazement. Look at those 'pipes' (some say it's unethical to use this term). See how it goes from a giant vessel to smaller ones until it divides itself into minute capillaries, reaching all the tissues and spaces. The heart pumps so that each part of the body receive the nutrients and oxygen from the blood thus making them fresh, physically able and sustainable. The same goes with Islam. Islam never fails anyone on earth or the entire universe. Islam is for ALL. If Spock and the Vulcan planet (of course I've watched Star Trek) truly exist, then Islam never neglect them too. All we need is a messenger. We had him once. We have him now, in our hearts. The prophet Muhammad Rasulullah SAW taught us to learn and to teach, and that is how Islam can benefit Spock and his destroyed planet (?? ok rambles alert!).

Feature number 4: Waqi'iyah. The heart pumps faster when you jog, right? Or when you're scared to death, probably due to the 'exam syndrome', or there's a ghost anywhere near you (???). The heart works 24/7 to meet these needs you know. It beats differently when one is sleeping, walking, running, writing or whatsoever according to the condition of the body. A genius that has incredible adaptability. As genius as how Islam allows the application of the Islamic teachings in many different ways, ACCORDING to the person place and time. For instance, the 'rukhshah'. Jama' and Qasr prayers are the famous examples. When you're travelling, you can perform prayer collectively (Jamak, betul ke gune ayat ni?), or you can shorten the prayer (Qasr) and continue travelling, carefree and at the same time, fulfilling your obligation to Allah.

Next up, Inqilabiyah: Islam stands tall when Jahiliyah is being burned down. Try eating a plate of rice mixed with some feces, or blend them together making a soup or porridge. Yummy? No? hehe. Try mixing the oxygenated blood in the left chambers of the heart with deoxygenated blood flowing in and out from the right chambers. This leads to cyanosis. A condition where you could die due to the lack of oxygen, where the hemoglobin, the one that carries the oxygen is severely decreased. People who are cyanotic becomes BLUE in colour. Hence the name. What I'm trying to say here is that Islam, the good, cannot be followed or preceded by bad things. You pray but at the same time you steal. You read quran while you ignore your parents. You don't do drugs but you don't cover or take good care of your 'aurat. But there is still hope. Like the nasheed, the Last Breath, decide which now and do not delay. IMAN has a bestfriend called TAQWA. The faith and believing - befriend with fear. Azam saya~ The do and the don't = I do pray and I try not to talk bad about people. I remember Allah and I don't forget Him. I try to do good things and I hope I could leave the bad ones. It's my bread and butter.

Let's repay His love, shall we? ^_^

"Indeed, the religion in the sight of Allah is ISLAM..." (Ali 'Imran, 3: 19)

*This is just an analogy, not a scripture. Please correct me if I'm wrong, thanks! And there are a lot more features than these. My knowledge is very limited, this is the best I can do so far, sorry :( hehe.

Patients seen: None seen. Next 2 weeks!!
Book of the moment: errrrr..........

healthy fear *_*

SO.
4th year doesn't start until next week. But why do I feel like I need to hand in some assignments tomorrow?

It must be the thoughts. The dreadful thoughts that clouded my mind everytime I'm about to 'meet' a new semester - What if I can't make it through this time? I put my all in this.. for 6 years! What if I need to repeat all over again? Will I get the scrolls? Yeah, scrollSSS. Its plural. I'll be getting 2 (two) degrees, the best from both worlds - UNPAD & UKM, that's the beauty of Twinning Program. The first time I wore a robe with the square hat and actually graduated was long ago. Kindergarten! Not primary school, not secondary, matric? Never. And that was the last. So I'm really hoping that this time around.. I won't fell into any cracks. Even if I do, I hope I could reach out for some help and fight for the next.

Thoughts thoughts please go away. Allah is there to lead my way.

Insha Allah. I pray for all of us too, for you, who read this, thank you~ ^_^

I think I just created a song out of fear. A healthy fear.