motivation.

So, whenever I need to boost up my motivation, I listen to this song. The Climb by Miley Cyrus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkwU92ak07Q

Makes me realise that I am my own worst enemy and the only thing that need changing is my own thoughts. I guess you have to keep on saying 'I CAN' to yourself until you live the word, you breath the word.

Planning to finish typing up my SSC by tomorrow the latest so that I will have two days to play around (read: doing something beneficial but just non-medics things :p) before going to London.

Really looking forward to the holidays!

Quotes I got from the IMAM YG today which makes my heart tremble a bit.

"Perkara yang paling aku menyesal sekali dalam sehari ialah apabila terbenamnya matahari, umurku berkurang tetapi amalku tidak bertambah." Ibnu Mas'ud

Ok, will update again later.

Mari sama-sama menjaga masa dengan bersungguh-sungguh.

:)

T.T

INSAF.

Harus kuat.

Time to grow up!

(kali ke brape ckp dah tah)

heh?

• Being an expert in hiding your feelings is not a good thing.
• Crying for no particular reasons- is that even normal?
• Black. Blank.
• What is normal again?
• Its so frustrating when you cant figure yourself out.
• oh so dramatic
• This kind of thing only happens when you are not that close to Allah. Is that true?
• I am only human.
• Ok. bye.

Ugly

Kadang-kadang ujian datang berganti-ganti... Lepas satu dugaan, datang yang kedua. Belum selesai yg kedua, ujian ketiga menyusul..

Sometimes I just can't cope at all.. my heart is broken, exploded, crushed, bruised and no I'm not even exaggerating.

I need a shoulder to cry on, a hug, to be acknowledged, someone who listens without being judgmental, and the one who shall hear me to the point where I started to be rational after all the emotional talks I've made. And most importantly, prayers....

I never intended to hurt others, nor did I plan to do so. But that's what I do best.

Broken Bones

assalamu'alaikum~~ asma` & xati.. it's been awhile since I could post anything here. Ada la several attempts, but ended up doing something else. I've even finished my pediatrics posting pun! :p sorry~ my bad..

the thing is.. lots of things happened and I didn't know how to cramp all those in just a page (alasan).

Can I start all over again? I mean I've lost the momentum obviously so I definitely need some time to reprogram everything in my head.. or my soul? astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah. macam dah berkarat je. huhu.

okie dokie tomorrow is the beginning of my new posting - ORTHOPEDICS weeeee! (urm, honestly I'm not into bones sgt, but still.. ilmu kan..)

right now I'm flipping through Dr Imran's note on Orthopedics.. reviews said it's pretty good so I thought I'd give it a try. Just pray that my brains can accommodate all of the important infos and not drained anywhere else.

semoga sihat2 semuanya ya~ Allahu yusallimukum inshaAllah..

HARRY POTTER!

So, the last movie of harry potter was out a couple of days ago- the first part. And with that, my obsession to harry potter which has been dormant for quite some time has resurfaced. (Truth be told, I am ashamed of myself to still have this obsession.hehe. 23! I'm 23!oh well..)

WHY does this movie has to come out during the time of my exams. Couldn't you just wait until my exams are over! erghh. Nevertheless, I am uber excited to watch it!

I am currently doing a rerun of all harry potter movies from 1 until 6 before watching the 7th. I have just finished with the prisoner of azkaban and I will do the next three after the exams! Hopefully I will be able to restrain myself. :P

I have a lot of harry potter moments with the both of you especially xati. hehe. Fun times that was. I still remember the first time I read harry potter- it was the second book which my father got me when he got back from work in the UK (I was 12 I think). The cover was not very enticing but my father kept saying that it was very popular in the UK. So i gave it a try and was definitely hooked! I'm super glad that I gave it a try. :)

Random bits about me and Harry Potter:

• My favourite book is always the third. Harry potter and the prisoner of Azakaban. Very interesting, mind-blowing plot :)
• My favourite characters are Ron and Hermione. They are just so funny and what a cute couple those two. Love every moments of them in all the books.
• and I think I'm a Gryffindor. :P (perluke ni?x kot.hiks)

OK.on a different note, one of my friend was NOT into Harry Potter (I was a bit taken aback and asked her why) because she thinks that it was very tahyul. hehehe. Well2, I believe I have to agree with her on that. It does kind of take you to a different world- a fantasy world which could distract you from this real world. But this happens with all fictions out there. They bring you to the world of imagination. It may be a distraction but so long as you learn something from what you read/watch, its all good I think. eheh.

Enough about Harry Potter, I need to get back to my studying.

Have a lovely day all of you. :)

ps: I might want to do a book review in this blog, basically just to get me back on my reading again. uhuh. Once every 2months- even this is a bit too ambitious. Nevertheless, I want to give it a try. Oh yeah, if there are any good books you guys know, do suggest it to me. I'll give it a go and do a review after, iA :)

pss: xati, plz update anything about you. I have no idea what's going on with you and this is not good. and leyya, May you be pain free always. take care girls.! much love from me!

Updates

I've deactivated my facebook due to exams- which will be on thursday and friday next week. On Neuro, Psych, Ortho and Rheumatology.

Please make doa everyone. thank you.

Its been AGES since I last talk to both of you. :(

Why is it that you can be so sure of something one moment and suddenly find yourself in doubt the next..? I truly dislike this feeling. (merepek di blog cos da takda facebook.)

I Wanna Be...

PAIN FREE.

Knowledge is Power.

Today I feel like writing about something basic. Very basic. ILMU.

Apa ada pada ilmu? Hmm..

Rasulullah saw bersabda yang bermaksud:

"Sesiapa yang berkehendakkan dunia, maka hendaklah ia berilmu. Sesiapa yang berkehendakkan akhirat, maka hendaklah ia berilmu dan sesiapa yang berkehendakkan kedua-duanya maka hendaklah ia berilmu." (hadis riwayat at-Tirmidzi)

Ini menunjukkan betapa pentingnya ilmu dalam kehidupan kita. Kalau nak apa-apa, mesti ada ilmu. Apa saja yang mampu kita lakukan tanpa ilmu? Sesungguhnya, kita ni sangatlah memerlukan kepada ilmu. Tetapi ilmu yang bagaimanakah? Selalu kalau baca ma'thurat ada kita berdoa kepada Allah supaya kurniakanlah kepada kita ilmu yang bermanfaat. Apakah ilmu yang bermanfaat ini? Sesungguhnya banyak saja ilmu yang bermanfaat di dunia ini, tetapi ilmu yang paling paling paling bermanfaat tidak lain tidak bukan adalah ilmu Islam. Apa itu ilmu Islam? Itulah ilmu Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah.

Sesungguhnya Nabi saw ada bersabda yang bermaksud:

"Sesiapa yang Allah kehendakkan kebaikan kepadanya, Allah akan berikan kepadanya kefahaman agama."

(Bukhari dan Muslim)

Kalau tiada ilmu agama...

• bagaimana mampu kita melakukan ibadah dengan betul?
• bagaimana mampu kita teguhkan aqidah kita?
• bagaimana mahu mebezakan yang haq dan batil?
• bagaimana mahu menjalankan kehidupan dengan betul?
• bagaimana kita hendak menyampaikan kepada yang lain?

Banyak persoalan yang takkan mampu kita jawab tanpa adanya ilmu. Kita sebagai seorang muslim harus merujuk kepada al-Quran dan as-Sunnah dalam setiap perkara yang kita lakukan so kalau kita sendiri x faham keduanya- maka bagaimana? Tanpa ilmu, kita hanya akan bersangka-sangka sahaja yang kita nih buat perkara yang betul which might not be the case.

huuuu. Entry ni sebenarnya adalah refleksi diri- diri ini yang kurang serius dalam mendalami ilmu agama sedangkan itu adalah ilmu yang amat crucial untuk kita ada. Kalau ada usrah atau ada talk mengenai islam, barulah nak tambah ilmu agama. Sebenarnya itu sahaja tidak cukup. Kita kene actively seek for the knowledge. At least everyday kena spend time untuk ilmu agama. Bacalah. Dengarlah ceramah agama. Kena sentiasa tambah ilmu. Cintakan ilmu!

Ilmu islam ini sangatlah luas, rasanya kalau belajar sepanjang kehidupan pun, belum tentu boleh habis belajar. Tapi at least, harus start learning secara serious. Iye. Harus!

Ok. Mari sama2 menambahkan ilmu.

Entry sebelum bermula mencari ilmu. Tapi kali ini ilmu medic pula :)

ilmu yang ini pun penting juga. hehe.

10 interesting facts about colorado.

salam wbt.

wah, sudah bersawang nampaknya blog ini. lama sungguh tak ada orang meng-update. apparently, pengupdate tegar (leyya, thats you) pun sudah lama tidak menjalankan tugasnya. heeee. sebab bulan ramadhan mungkin. semua mesti sedang sibuk mengejar pahala lagi-lagi dah masuk 10 hari terakhir ni. :) bagoslah korang!!

As for me, tak tahu la kenapa tiba-tiba datang mood nak menulis pula. (i think this is me avoiding real work :P ) Well, actually my sister- Kautsar- has been asking me to write about her in my blog ages ago.heheh.yeah, she's self-centred like that sometimes. *kidding* Since good things has happened to her in the past few weeks, i think i'll share that here.

First, I would like to publicly congratulate you on your A-levels results! heee, haven't done that have I?

CONGRATULATIONS KAUTSAR ZAMANURI ON YOUR AWESOME RESULT! and dah fly pun ke Colorado.heheh. (well, better late than never aite)

Another sibling off to another continent of the world. More chance for me to go jalan-jalan.oooh, nak pergi New York. !!(sila bawa yeh nanti kautsar) hee. Alhamdulillah, murah rezeki, dapat result best and dapat fly ke US. ok,habis crite. :P heheh.

Actually tak ada la nak cerita how smart and beautiful you are kat sini kan kautsar, hehe, but I have something to share with you which IS.....

10 interesting facts about colorado!! (taken from 50states.com)

1. The united states Air Force Academy is located in colorado springs.

2. Colorado means "coloured red" (i refuse to spell colour w/out "u" cos I'm in UK and all).hee.

3. Denver, lays claim to the invention of the cheeseburger. (whatt??!) The trademark for the name of cheeseburger was awarded in 1935 to Louis Ballast.

4. The tallest building in Colorado is the Republic Piaza at 57 stories high, in Denver. (go check it out, tapi 57 je?hihi)

5. Every year Denver host the worlds largest rodeo, the western stock show. (hohoh, famous dengan rodeo rupanya. Yang ni tak payah check out la.hee.scary!)

6. The world's largest natural hot springs pool located in Glenwood Springs.

7. the Colorado School of Mines is there!

8. Kautsar and Sherene is there!

9. ok, who else is there? because I cant find anything interesting anymore.10 is too ambitious i guess.heee.kalau NYC tak apa la jugak kan. :P

10. .......

ok, I am not entirely sure whether all of the above is true or not. I hope they are, if not, please blame the website.hehe. Kalau betul, bertambahla knowledge kita about Colorado, Denver. :)

okay, that is all. should be doing some work now!

Selamat mengejar lailatulqadar semua. :) Have fun beribadah.

sebelum saya lupa..

It really hit me after seeing one of the famous lecturers in my place giving a talk about to step out from the comfort zone, specifically in medical school.

I don't know about you, but personally my motivation has this 'half life' of a blink of eye. That's how short it is. I can easily be inspired or motivated AND drastically drained after that just because a patient does not want to be examined or things like that.

The lack of burning desire and enthusiasm in gaining knowledge is really troublesome among the students sekarang. The lecturers can see it through us, really. The moment my lecturer walked into the ward every morning, he/she had this spirit of treating the patients and teaching us the best he/she can. In turn, he/she got lousy answers. Unprepared history takingS. Inadequate knowledge. Latecomers. Silence. A perfect cocktail which is enough to stimulate his/her vocal cord to vibrate more than it should - bebel. Which is very nice to hear actually, coz lama2 dah immune n rasa tak sedap badan kalau tak kena bebel hehe ^_^

But that's not my point. The spotlight is on the panelist in the forum. It was her (my beautiful Prof) transformation that hit me. Such a miracle u know. The first time I saw her, she was not covered by the beautiful hijab she's wearing now. That was a year ago. NOW, she is all about coming back to Allah. Coming back to the root. Coming back to the end of our destination - heaven or hell? She's all about that! I can assure u that not all people with hijab had the guts or at least the habit of 'promoting' Allah when talking, including ME. Some might just put it aside and pretend it to be another part of life. astaghfirullah...

Just look at the sign. Just look at how Allah grant His servants. HIDAYAH is just the BEST thing that one could crave for. I need hidayah to go to the ward. I need hidayah to push me to study. I need hidayah to urge me struggling rather than rolling on my bed thinking that I'll pass the exams and that I'll be a GOOD and SAFE doctor as I graduate. NONSENSE.

The only formula is to usaha + doa + tawakal. No short cut.
I repeat, NO SHORT CUT.

One day I'm gonna be the only doctor in charge. I can't rely on other people to help me motivated doing things that I should do. Not like these days where I can choose to be in the ward or not. Allah is always watching and counting the deeds be it good or bad. So knock the door of your heart. Is it open for the lights to come in, or will it be closed because of the bad things we've done?

Hidayah milik Allah.

Tapi kita perlu berusaha ke arah kebaikan. Bukan mengharapkan kebaikan datang bergolek. Saya harap semangat saya bukan semangat chicken shit. Saya doakan anda semua juga begitu. Cheerio!

Patients seen: yesterday got thyroid eye disease (NOSPECS), glaucoma in a pregnant woman, 2 proliferative diabetic retinopathy, cataract + complicated surgery, retinal detachment - left eye.
Books: currently baca emedicine untuk CWU :)

EYE love you.. ophthalmology!

Thank You Allah~ I've been busy juggling with work work work n kadang2 bacaan quran pun dah berkurang tapi Allah yang Maha Penyayang tetap berikan segala2nya yang saya perlukan... I wish I can be a better servant.. huhu

Day 4 Ophthal: I can't feel my body. Seriously.

That's how tired I am nowadays... Tak pernah bajet pulak ophthal penat macam ni.. I really need a break, a spa, bekam, detoxify segala mcm makanan yg merapu, or anything relaxing. Macam mana la HO nanti agaknya -_-;

I could use some sleep jugak actually. But there's no space for so called 'beauty sleep' anymore. Aiyah~

Despite all that, I love my life now. I choose to love, not to hate. Everyday I talked to myself - "Today is going to be a better day!" Then I visualize my doings. It helps. Keeps me motivated alhamdulillah :) (tips from Prof Muhaya)

Plus, my supervisor is super nice! A softie. Very considerate. Alhamdulillah~ Better make full use of this opportunity. I hope I don't disappoint her in any way. And I really want to stay away from being a lousy 'first line screener' at the primary healthcare center.

Oh, time to study! Lotsa things to do besides straining my eyes while focusing on the fundus-the optic disc, vessels, macula fovea etc :p

Found a fun website, check it out ^_^ > www.ophthobook.com

Patients seen: I'm a doctor to patients, not diseases. But I can't reveal their names here rite? So i put the name of diseases instead :D
Glaucoma, diabetic retinopathy, VKH, cataract n lots of them!, uveitis, CMV retinitis, age-related macular degeneration and... almost dapat varicose veins sebab lama sgt berdiri :p
Books: FUN-do-scopy made easy, toronto ophthal, kanski ophthal atlas, ICT ophthal :D

Allah Maha Adil

Astaghfirullah..

Terukla my performance masa short case semalam~ T_T We were told to clerk cases, present, examine, generate working and differential diagnosis, lepas tu gedebak gedebuk la kena tanya and discuss. The first case was quite straight forward - CSF leakage. Macam biasala, kawan saya present chief complaint and all the bla3 details.

Tapi...

Sampai katil patient saya yang dah day 7 post-op, supervisor saya yang hebat suruh summarize and discuss about current status of the patient. OMG~ *thought block* Tergagap nak goreng.

Lepas tu confidence level terus turun turun... dan turun lagi. Isks.

First time tau jadi macam tu. Ada yang tak beres gamaknya. Sampai lupa post-op day berapa. Teruknya Alia...

Alhamdulillah, Dr super baik. Beliau banyak guide. My tasks were:

1. Examine and comment on patient's general appearance.
Very brief and roughly (as opposed to my presentation which was panjang dan berterabur):

Patient is lying on the bed. Tracheostomy tube. Oxygen mask not used (what a waste, terus Dr suruh discontinue the O2). Nasogastric tube. Scar from inferior border of lower lip extending to the submental region, ada jugak kat neck until midclavicular area. Kat chest pun ada sebab ada reconstruction using pectoralis major (PM flap).

2. Why does this patient need tracheostomy? (indication utk patient ni special)
- For surgical access.
- Impending upper airway obstruction.

3. Why does this patient need NGT?
- Trismus sebab pain during chewing and mouth opening > cannot eat solid foods very well > nutrisi yang tidak sihat > bagi NGT untuk high protein diet (susu)

4. Imagine u r the HO in charge, patient just come back from OT, what would u do?
*gulp* Ni soalan time surgery dulu ni. Boleh pulak lupa. (akibat belah otak untuk belajar secara serpihan)
"Err... assess the surgical site?"
"Aiyah.. begin with simple things dulu"
- VITAL SIGNS ALIA, VITAL SIGNS! Haiya.. what kind of doctor-to-be lah tak sistematik cengginih.. (kutuk diri sendiri kejap)
- don't freak out kalau temperature slightly higher than pre-op, it is a response kpd surgery, especially loooong surgery, like hers la.
- of course cek conciousness etc
- THEN comes the scar
- pain control - in this case guna patient-controlled analgesic. pakai morphine.

Lepas tu pergi katil2 lain pulak - Vocal Polyps, Laryngeal Carcinoma, cholesteatoma, then Dr bawak pergi wad paeds. Ah sudah, takde org cover bed patient ENT kat paeds tu. Dr sengaja rupanya. Kawan saya kena clerk parents the cute 7 months old baby tu.

CYSTIC HYGROMA.

poor baby~ T_T saya memang tak sesuai jadi paeds. tak bole tengok baby sakit. it is heartbreaking. huhu. Alhamdulillah, Allah kurniakan tubuh badan dan akal yang sihat dari kecik sampai besar. ada nikmat iman dan islam lagi.

Alia, banyakkan bersyukur ye.... Jangan mengada sangat....

Apa2 pun, bila balik tu saya muhasabah dalam2. Sedih sangat sebab perform tak bagus. Macam dah kecewakan Dr je. Saya teringat sesuatu. Saya lupa call mak abah! Kesalahan yang tak boleh dimaafkan. isks.

Anyways.. yang penting setiap sesuatu yang berlaku tu tak akan lari dari hikmah Allah. Allah Maha Adil. Dia berlaku adil pada setiap hambaNya, sesuai dengan ketahanan masing2.

"Apakah kamu mengira bahwa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (cobaan) sebagaimana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu?
Mereka ditimpa oleh malapetaka dan kesengsaraan, serta digoncangkan (dengan bermacam-macam cobaan) sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman bersamanya: 'Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah?'
Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat."
Al-Baqarah: 214

Ustaz saya kata, selalunya Allah akan datangkan pertolongan bila kita dah tersepit dan tak jumpa jalan keluar. Saya setuju 200%. Sebab saya dah banyak kali kena.

~Adil nye Allah~

Patients seen: BANYAK! Hari ni klinik dari 9 pagi - 2.30 petang. Tak lunch pun. Dah biasa pulak. Bad for the tummy~
So cases for today - several cholesteatomaS, 2 cases of microtia and canal atresia, cochlear implant, meniere's disease, CSOM, allergic rhinitis, Obstructive Sleep Apnea etc.
Currently reading: jurnalsssss... sebab nak siapkan case write up and SSM.
DOAKAN SAYA YA~TQ!

kes pendek

Esok short case exam masa ward round, Insha Allah..

Ear: inspection, palpation, otoscopy, Rinne's test, Weber test.

Nose: inspection, palpation of the sinuses, cold-spatula test, anterior rhinoscopy, posterior rhinoscopy.

Throat: indirect laryngoscopy.

Oral cavity: inspection, palpation, bimanual maybe *cuaks*

Cranial nerves: trigeminal (5th) and facial (7th) cranial nerves.

Ada 5 je patient ENT kat wad sekarang. 1 lagi lodger dari medical ward - unilateral vocal cord palsy secondary to lung carcinoma, tak sempat clerk lagi sebab patient baru masuk malam tadi.

Semoga Allah permudakan urusan saya dan rakan-rakan..

Semoga kami tak kecewakan mak ayah.. dan semestinye tak hancurkan hati supervisor kami yang sangat baik!

~Belajar bukan kerana Allah ibarat jasad tanpa nyawa~

Esok hari Jumaat.

Bismillahirrahmanirahim.
Bangi, 15 July 2010.

Salam buat semua yang sudi bertandang.
Apa khabar BFF? (Is it kaifa halukuma?)

Coretan hari ini ringkas saja.
Moga bermanfaat.


Dari Abu Sa'id al-Khudzri radhiallahu anh bahawa Nabi salallahu 'alaihi wasalam bersabda:



Barangsiapa membaca surah al-Kahfi pada hari Jum'at, maka cahaya meneranginya antara dirinya dan dua Jum'at.
...


(Hadith sahih riwayat: Al-Hakim)


Dari Abu Darda' r.a Rasulullah s.a.w telah bersabda: "Siapa yang
menghafal 10 ayat pertama dari surah al-Kahfi terpelihara daripada
dajjal."

(Hadith sahih riwayat: Imam Muslim)

klik sini

Dah banyak kali saya berazam untuk mengamalkan surah al-Kahfi setiap hari Jumaat setelah mengetahui khasiatnya.
Dan banyak kali juga saya lupa akan niat saya.
Cuti musim panas dah bermula, harapan saya: Untuk tidak meninggalkan bacaan Surah Al-Kahfi setiap hari Jumaat.
Ya Allah bantulah hambaMu ini istiqamah dalam hal ini.

Aishah narrated that Allah's Apostle said, "Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately, and know that your deeds will not make you enter paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah's is the most regular and constant even though it were little" (Al-Bukhari)

The keywords are:
Proper. Sincere. Moderate.Regular. Constant.
Start today, keep it up.Stay steadfast.

Peringatan untuk saya dan sahabat semua.
Ayuh kita rebut pahala pada penghulu segala hari ini.

p.s: no of patients met: 2 --> abah and mak lang
--> succeeded in performing a knee examination on abah to exclude any ligaments or menisci problems(dengan confident nya, i know i was supposed to do a hip exam as well, but....).
--->Topmost differential was Osteoarthritis.
----->Convinced abah to go see his doctor. He is currently on Glucosamine.
-------> Currently Abah is not in that much pain and lenguh2 anymore.
----------> Izzati is very happy. (Although I would be happier if Abah went on and had an xray done.)
--------------> Eventhough Abah said when he told his doctor about his legs, the doctor automatically prescribed him Glucosamine, Izzati still thinks its a huge achievement for her. hahahahaha.
Jazakallahukahiran kathira abah. (^o^)!
p.p.s: A book i'm currently on: Ensiklopedia Fiqah Wanita Muslimah (Syeikh Abu Malik Kamal As-Sayid Salim - always read such book with regards to other fiqh scholars yg mu'tabar)

BFF. Jangan biarkan saya hanyut dengan ujian masa lapang ini.

Astaghfirullahal'azim.
Astaghfirullahal'azim.
Astaghfirullahal'azim.

(^_^)

Ilal Liqa'.

EasyNoTension

My 1st week in ENT Department = FUN!! And tiring...

8 am - 10 am: Lectures
10 am - 12.30 am: Clinic/Otorhinolaryngology Ward
2 pm - 5 pm: Lectures

Doctors are sempoi, so very super kind.

Otoscopy, Rinne and Weber tests, indirect laryngoscopy, anterior rhinoscopy segala macam boleh buat dengan jayanya atas tunjuk ajar para doktor.. terima kasih Allah~

First day pun saya dah kena present kes. Eh no no. 2 jam pertama dalam posting ENT dah kena present kes - thorougly! Buccal mucosa tumor pulak tu *_* Alhamdulillah, worth it~ Doctor tersebut tanya bertubi-tubi sampai menggelegak otak. Terbaik!

Next week no lectures. Better start off with case write up! 2 weeks before ENT ends. Opthal menunggu.

Saya kena refresh anatomy sungguh-sungguh! ENT sangat penting even for GPs! ENT bukan posting main-lalu-tanpa-ambil-serius.

Terasa nak further ENT pulak nanti.

I LOVE E.N.T!

result!

salam girls.

so my result is out today.heee.

alhamdulillah.all praise be to Allah.

i passed my osce! oh gembirenye!

boleh balek malaysia dengan tenang. :D

now all i need to finish is my SSC. and hopefully I dont suddenly fail that one. (oh,tidak2, nauzubillah, janganlah.) so the plan for my SSC is to reach this targeted no of words by this date:

friday 2nd July: 1000 words

sat 3rd July: + 2000 words

sun 4th July: + another 2000 words

that would be 5000 words in total which should be enough. harap boleh mendisiplinkan diri.hiks. do pray for me.

ps: dah passed exam, perasaan homesick semakin meninggi. oh, x sabar nye nak balik. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusan ku di sini.

SCAtterbraINED

confession girls: i tend to act a bit awkward in front of consultant yang 'menawan'.uhuh. fortunately there's only one in my hospital. this is just too crazy.what a weirdo!! adehla..hahah.

ok, on a more serious note, i am utterly very sorry for not updating much about what's going on at my side and not beeen posting much in here. been a bit busy with SSC, wimbledon and world cup.hiks! well, now that federer's out, i have a bit of time to spare. :) :P

to tell you the truth, i have no idea what to write so i would like to do a bit of rambling. (is dat ok?heee,plz bare with me,tq!)

hurmm...

It is not easy being human. u tend to make mistakes- all the time. oh, tapi senang je, dah buat salah mintak maafla kan. easier said than done. because your ego always gets in the way. ini more kepada kesalahan2 yang tersirat gitu. kalo yg straight forward, mmg senang je mintak maaf after dat. tah ngape cmnih. or maybe this just happens to me...huu. ok,so kepada sesiapa yg baca entry nih and ade terasa hati with me at any point of their life, I sincerely apologise for that. (adakah ini cara seorg pengecut mintk maaf.lol) but really...I am sorry. :)

“A stiff apology is a second insult…. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.”~ Gilbert Keith Chesterton

HEeee, menarik quotes ni.i hope mine is not a stiff one. :)

I would also like to comment a bit on your previous post leyya. it is a very beautiful entry. I found myself indulging in the worldly matters a tiny bit too much lately. kadang2 kita x sedar pun..macam tiba2 je tertarik ke dalam benda2 yang tidak membawa manfaat ini melainkan keseronokan yang sementara.hmm..alhamdulillah dah tersedar sikit. im really glad you wrote that cos its kinda like a reflection piece to me.

xati dah pulang ke Malaysia.tinggallah daku seorang diri di sini yg masih meneruskan perjuangan sebagai 3rd year medics. ohh btw, result ku akan keluar dis friday. plz make doa for me friends! huuu, sy takutla...

u guys dah berjumpa2 and having fun without me ke kat sane???

if so, take loads of pictures k. will be joining u guys soon, iA.

ps: oh my, sgt xde structure la this entry.hehehe. entah u guys bole faham ke tak apa yang nak disampaikan sebenarnye. and isi pun mcm ada xde je. just feel like rambling. sorry la ye. will do better next time.

scatterbrained is me. thoughts are all over the place. ergh.

now back to serious writing- SSC; laporoscopic management of ectopic pregnancy.

(in love with this boy,hee,duniawi sekejap. :P, enjoy. )

Outta Here

Diriwayatkan, pada suatu ketika Rasulullah s.a.w menghadap ke suatu tempat membuang sampah (mazbalah), lalu baginda memanggil para sahabat baginda sambil bersabda: “Ayuhlah, kejarlah dunia”; kemudian baginda mengambil cebisan kain yang telah usang dan tulang-tulang yang sudah reput sambil berkata: “Inilah dunia”.

Menurut riwayat yang lain, pada suatu hari Rasulullah s.a.w melihat kepada bangkai anak kambing yang dibuang oleh tuannya lalu baginda berpaling kepada para sahabatnya dan bersabda: “Adakah kamu melihat betapa hinanya bangkai kambing itu di sisi tuannya, demi Allah dunia ini lebih hina di sisi Allah melebihi kehinaan kambing tersebut di sisi tuannya. Kalaulah nilai dunia ini menyamai nilai sebelah sayap seekor nyamuk nescaya Allah tidak akan memberi seteguk airpun untuk minuman orang kafir”.

Baginda juga bersabda: “Hari kiamat semakin hampir sedangkan manusia semakin tamak-rakus kepada dunia dan mereka juga semakin jauh dengan Allah”.

Rasulullah s.a.w. juga bersabda:

“Dunia ini adalah penjara untuk orang mukmin dan syurga bagi orang kafir”.

The Recap.

Nak beli. Insha Allah.

Just so I don't forget all these major stuffs to be asked 2 months from now - OSCE.

Screening Questions:

DEPRESSION - SIG E CAPS
ANXIETY - STUDENTS FEAR 3 CS or BE SKIM
MANIA - DIG FAST
PSYCHOTIC - FIRST RANK SYMPTOMS


*Sakit hati...

**Spain got diem to carpe!! Sedih tengok Torres belum dapat catch up. Villa terbaik, walaupun agak senget masa penalty kick. Ramos pula adalah nama kucing di kolej saya (??)

***Semoga Allah pelihara Izzati sepanjang perjalanan pulang ke tanah air. Asma', July is getting near :D

****Sekarang tempat saya tengah hot kes ragut. Semoga Allah lindungi kami semua daripada sebarang kejadian buruk.

Get on with it!

1. SSM Questionnaire: KAP on inhaler technique among patients with stable airway diseases almost done!! (SSM pre-meeting this wednesday)
   
2. LL4G poster printing & entry.
3. Course reg!! [how could you do this to me smpweb?]
4. The interview.
5. Past Year Qs alert.
   
6. Living HEALTHY.
7. Chasing those dead bodies.
8. ZT: learning styles.
   

FIGHTING!!!!

May Allah bless us always~

pro.re.nata

Bila perlu.

Masa kat Bandung dulu belajar preskripsi ubat. Salah satu instruction ialah pro re nata (p.r.n.). Maksudnya, bila perlu.

Kalau bukan dalam keadaaan yang memerlukan, tak perlu ambil ubat tu ye.

Sama macam shopping. Oh sungguh saya gila shopping. Kadang-kadang je *_*

Baru-baru ni jumpa blogshop selling handmade bags. Comel melampau. Agak kurang waras sebentar. Dah la saya memang gila barang comel dan custom made. Aiseymen.

Fikir. Zikir. Berlebihan dalam berbelanja tu kikir.

Astaghfirullah.

Nampak tak kat hujung sana tu? Cuba teropong. Ha.. nampak tak apa yang saya nampak?

Saya nampak wang untuk shopping ada kegunaan lain.

Dunia ni memang indah. Banyak yang menarik perhatian. Tapi dunia juga penuh muslihat. Suka buat kita jadi haus. Dahagakan bermacam-macam benda lagi.

Saya sedar dunia ni persinggahan je. Tumpang kejap je. Kalau saya mati, saya tak bawak barang-barang shopping bersama saya.

Saya bawa amal. Amal jariah. Amal soleh.

Bisnes amal dan shopping pahala ni lebih bagus. Boleh kurangkan dahaga insha Allah. Sebab Allah Dealernya. Confirm takde tipu muslihat. Sebab janji Allah itu pasti.

Modal? Tak perlu risau elaun bulanan mengering. Cukup dengan niat kerana Allah dan sungguh-sungguh bekerja keranaNya.

Haih. Nampaknya tak jadila saya nak klik 'Buy Now' ya. Mungkin next time. Bila saya mampu. Sebagai reward untuk pencapaian diri sendiri.

"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari orang-orang mukmin baik diri mahupun harta mereka dengan balasan syurga untuk mereka. Mereka berperang di jalan Allah; sehingga mereka membunuh atau terbunuh, sebagai janji yang benar dari Allah di dalam Taurat, Injil dan al-Quran. Dan siapakah yang lebih menepati janjinya selain Allah? Maka bergembiralah dengan jual beli yang telah kamu lakukan itu, dan demikian itulah kemenangan yang agung."
[at-Taubah: 111]

Hakikatnya, saya datang dari Allah. Diciptakan oleh Allah. Saya milik Allah. Jadi kenapa pula Allah yang kena beli dari saya? Apa yang saya ada untuk offer jualan hebat pada Dia?

Pulak tu, Allah bayar dengan syurga. Jadi sekarang, saya jual jiwa saya yang berkarat, Allah bayar dengan syurga? Apakah? Macam beli gula-gula bersemut dengan RM1000 000 000 (tak setanding pun dengan Jannah). Eh tak, mana ada orang nak beli gula-gula yang dah dihurung semut!

Astaghfirullah...

Ya Allah, sungguh, Kau Maha Penyayang. Kau kasihani hambaMu lebih daripada kasih seorang ibu kepada anaknya.

Dan aku... hamba yang sering tergelincir. Namun aku terus mengharap pengampunanMu.

Ampunilah aku dan insan-insan yang terlalu banyak berbuat baik kepadaku Ya Allah~

*BFF shopping menggila di Manchester. Cish.
**final week in Psych. Dah mula rindu keunikan Psych. Takpe. Penerokaan belum berakhir. Semoga saya bertemu dengan keunikan yang lain pula. Amiin.

Anugerah

Gambar gelap dalam Eye of London

Mereka girlfriends saya. BFF saya. Sekarang mereka sedang bake a cheesecake.

I wonder apa jadi dengan oreo, philadelphia cheese n stuff? *hihi*

Thanks for video calling lovelies. The support. The prayers.

I love you girls. I really do.

*3rd post in a row. Fancy? :p Takpela, its 'my' blog. My territory ^_^
**Alhamdulillah, cuti kali ni menarik kerana Xati balik Malaysia hari jumaat ni! *lovelove*
***Asma', be sure to bring back Millie's this July k dear~ :P :P :P

Topsy Turvy

"Assalamualaikum Encik"
"Wa'alaikumussalam Doktor"

Saya ni bermuka tua kot. Selalu sangat pesakit panggil 'doktor' instead of 'nak' atau 'dik'.

"Boleh ceritakan sikit tentang diri encik..?"
"Boleh... pakcik ni Allah"

*gulp* astaghfirullah.

"Dulu pakcik Nabi, tapi sekarang pakcik dah jadi Allah"
"Urm, boleh saya tahu kenapa encik rasa macam tu?"

Oh ye, memang skema di situ - 'encik', 'cik', 'puan'. Saya hanya akan address mereka dengan gelaran 'pakcik' 'makcik' 'kak' etc bila mereka sendiri yang rimas dan minta tukar dengan panggilan yang lain.

Kena la latih diri kan. Nanti terbawa-bawa dalam exam. Kurang markah profesionalism. (macam belajar untuk exam je pulak)

Sambung.

"Allah dah lama sangat hidup. Jadi pakcik perlu ganti, banyak lagi kerja kena buat"

Sudah terang lagi bersuluh delusion pakcik tersebut amat bizzarre. Delusion bermaksud fixed and false belief. Bizarre delusion sering dikaitkan dengan Schizoprenia.

Satu kepercayaan yang takkan goyah. Sukar untuk dipatahkan.

Bukan pakcik ni sorang je yang sakit macam ni.

"I am Imam Mahadi, I'm sure of it", kata seorang lagi pesakit yang lebih muda dari saya.

Ramai lagi mengalami masalah yang sama. Dari luaran, nampak biasa je. Silap-silap kita yakin dengan apa yang dia sampaikan walaupun salah.

Plus, pakcik ni selalu bawak quran tafsir bila berjalan-jalan dalam wad. Insaf, kan?

Tapi otaknya terganggu. Kesian sangat...

Pengendalian akal yang buruk boleh mendatangkan binasa. Mungkin dari sinilah munculnya ajaran sesat. Aqidah terpesong.

Yang menghairankan, ada bijak pandai yang mengikut.

Kuasa pengaruh mungkin.

Bersyukurlah pada Allah atas kurniaan akal yang sihat. Tak mustahil Allah boleh merengkan saya. Pilihan di tangan saya. Dan awak juga.

Syukur bukan sekadar lafaz. Praktikal kena ada. Guna akal untuk perkara yang Allah redha. Perah otak untuk tebarkan manfaat kepada orang lain.

Istimewanya saya sebagai orang Islam, akal saya ada manual. Manual wahyu. Akal yang tidak dikendalikan wahyu Allah memang tak bagus.

Ada yang menolak suruhan Allah dan Rasulullah hanya kerana bertentangan dengan akal. Padahal ada perkara yang tak tercapai oleh minda kita.

Jadi serahkanlah diri kepada Tuhan Pencipta kita.

Pelihara akal dari anasir buruk. Tajamkan fikiran untuk mencetuskan kebaikan. Pandu akal kita dengan wahyu.

Allah perintahkan pelihara aurat. Maka tutuplah aurat. Allah larang kita dari merokok, maka berhentilah.

Ingat, akal ni pinjaman. Satu hari nanti kena pulangkan semula. Instruction ada dalam al-Qur'an dan al-hadeeth. Jadi pandai-pandailah guna pinjaman akal untuk gali ilmu dari 2 rujukan utama ni. 2 pusaka yang menyelamatkan kita dari azab Allah, insha Allah.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW:
"Wahai manusia, sesungguhnya aku tinggalkan kepada kamu 2 perkara yang mana sekiranya kamu berpegang teguh dengannya kamu tidak akan sesat selama-lamanya, itulah kitab Allah (Al-Quran) dan Sunnahku (Hadith)"
~Sahih Muslim, no. 1218.

Maybe Pasti.

Kuliah ZT hari ni seronok! Pensyarah sangatlah berkobar-kobar. 9 pagi sampai 12 tengah hari bercakap tanpa henti. The best thing was she kept on stimulating our neurons by questioning - keeping us alert at all times. Susah sikit nak tersengguk.

Saya dapat tugasan baru. Kajian tentang strategi pembelajaran. Oh sungguh tak layak untuk saya kot. Tapi menarik untuk digali dikongsi digarap dan diaplikasikan.

Mudah-mudahan team saya dapat buat yang terbaik.

Lepas seronok-seronok, saya bergembira lagi. Driving sampai sesat. Takpe, asalkan sampai pada waktu yang 'acceptable', alhamdulillah :p

Kawan-kawan semua berkejar-kejar ke Masjid al-Azim, Pandan Indah. Forum iluvlislam. 'Aduhai Cinta: Milik Siapakah Ia'.

Saya teringin nak pergi. Tapi ATP (energy) tak cukup. Kena recharge. Lagipun, tajuk dan diskusinya agak berbahaya sekarang.

Mungkin akan datang Allah beri peluang lagi untuk program sebegini. Waktu tu, saya pasti cuba hadirkan diri.

Mungkin ya, mungkin tidak. Mungkin betul, mungkin juga salah. Semuanya tak pasti.

Mungkin saya sering merancang. Macam-macam. Tapi pasti Allah sudah punya percaturan yang lebih baik.

Mungkin sekarang saya selalu terumbang-ambing. Tapi saya pasti akan cuba stabilkan diri.

Mungkin takdir Allah saya akan jatuh. Tapi saya pasti Allah akan tolong.

Kemungkinan boleh diambil sebagai peringatan. Tapi bukan penghambat untuk meneruskan kehidupan.

Aza-aza fighting!!

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” [Al-Baqarah: 216]

Wide Wide World.

Astaghfirullah, penatnya...

Seharian di HBUK yang permai. (Dr. Satnam kata, nak bunyi high standard kena gantikan Hospital Bahagia Tanjung Rambutan kepada Hospital Bahagia Ulu Kinta) Esok ada lecture ZT pulak.

Alhamdulillah, penat yang berbayar. Makin lama masa saya makin sempit.

Tapi terasa lapang. Berlapang dada dengan manusia dan ragamnya. Berlapang dada dengan cabaran tanda tarbiyah-Nya. Lapang dari pemikiran yang sempit.

Sungguh lapang dan mendamaikan.

Kadang-kadang dicucuk rasa yang menderitakan jiwa.

Nangis. Dan nangis lagi. Hinggakan seorang adik kecil comel menegur saya di R&R Sungai Buloh "Kakak nangis?"

Tangisan ialah terjemahan makna hati.

Alhamdulillah. Segala puji bagi yang Maha Penyayang. Dia kurniakan keupayaan menangis untuk saya yang lemah. Dia masih benarkan saya terokai jiwa yang serabut.

Serabut yang tidak patut.

Satu yang tak pernah saya lupa, berdoa pada Dia. Ya Allah, peliharalah insan-insan yang kucintai seluruhnya. Permudahkanlah urusan mereka. Bukalah belenggu yang memerangkap mereka.

Saya ingin bertemu mereka di syurga... di suatu singgahsana yang lapang. Kelapangan yang diperoleh dari kesempitan di dunia.

Saya bagaikan ikan bilis dalam lautan luas yang bergelora.

Tapi saya kena kuat. Hidup ni bukan untuk diri sendiri je. Banyak lagi tanggungjawab yang belum tertunai.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah aku dalam menghadapi dugaanMu... jadikanlah aku di kalangan orang-orang yang dapat melihat kecantikanMu...

Amiin...

Lucky

Meeting Special Study Module (SSM) ni kekoklah. Mungkin sebab masing-masing baru kenal. Jumpa pun seminggu sekali. Kurang pengalaman conduct research. Tapi banyak yang saya belajar.

Google Docs. Google Scholar. Pening kepala. Meraba-raba cari validated questionnaire.

Alhamdulillah, sekurang-kurangnya jumpa jugak Asthma Control Test (ACT) & COPD Assessment Test (CAT). Selesai satu perkara. Perkara yang berjuta-juta lagi? Selesaikan satu persatu. One step at a time orang putih kata.

Sebab tu kena bijak merancang. Buat Gannt Chart. Flowchart. Barulah perjalanan projek tak jadi cacat.

Setahun tau SSM ni. Kalau tak niat kerana Allah, usaha setahun cuma sia-sia.

Rancang je tak cukup. Ketahanan dan kesungguhan kena ada.

Bila bekerja, pasti banyak cubaan. Perit sebentar demi hasil yang bermakna. Untungnya siapa yang terus bersabar dan berusaha. Apa-apa yang jadi pun, dia tenang je.

'Sungguh menakjubkan keadaan orang Mukmin itu.
Bila mendapat nikmat, ia bersyukur dan syukur itu baik baginya.

Bila diduga ia bersabar dan bersabar itu baik baginya.'

(HR. Muslim).

Book of the moment: Psychiatry books for the sake of answering past year Qs.
Patients: Last Monday I got 3. Looonngg loonnggg conversation :)

*Spek pecah. Kena ganti baru. Duit dah bersayap dah. huhu.

Mahu dimengerti.

Bukan mudah.

Haruskah Allah yang mendatangiku ketika aku punya masalah?
Di mana kesedaranku sebagai orang yang memerlukan?
Siapa sebenarnya yang memerlukan?

Berhentilah mengeluh kerana kekurangan..

Berhentilah menyombongkan diri kerana kelebihan..

Semuanya bersumberkan Allah. Tak selayaknya jiwa hamba yang kecil memperbesar apa yang kurang atau perkara yang lebih dalam hidup.

Aku impikan kesederhanaan.

Aku rindukan ketenangan.

Sulit untuk bertahan dengan emosiku yang tak menentu.

Banyak hati yang telah kulukai. 'Maaf' seakan tak bermakna lagi.

Namun itulah hidup.

Membuat keputusan... dan bersalah. Kembali untuk membuat keputusan, dan berusaha untuk tidak jatuh ke lubang yang sama.

Aku ingin menjadi sebaik-baik pesalah. Tidak sikit hati ini rasa sudah tiada harga diri. Bagaimana mungkin aku menghadapkan diri memohon pada yang Maha Mengetahui?

Allah.. Allah.. Allah..

Aku ingin mati di jalanMu bersama kemuliaan yang tak terkira.

Hanya Kau yang mengerti. Tidak. Hanya Kau yang MAHA MENGERTI.

*when you're down on your knees, you are in the PERFECT position to PRAY~
**Next week I'll be focusing on forensic postmorterm! And flipping through the ENT notes perhaps. Xati, Asma', be good wherever you are. Leya loves you lots.

Tough

Women can’t just turn off thoughts that concern them. Think of a computer desktop, with windows open. To close the windows, one just clicks the close box and the window disappears. When it comes to thoughts and emotions, men just click the “close” box and move on. Women, on the other hand, may attempt to click the “close” box, but the window won’t close. Their thoughts and concerns about bothersome past and present issues are not easily dismissed. ~homeword.com

This is so true. I wish I have a hint of 'MASCULINITY'...

Jika engkau memohon, maka memohonlah kepada Allah, jika engkau minta pertolongan mintalah kepada Allah. Ketahuilah bahawa seandainya seluruh makhluk berkumpul untuk memberikan manfaat kepadamu nescaya mereka tidak akan mampu memberikannya, selain yang telah ditetapkan Allah bagimu. Dan, seandainya mereka semua berkumpul untuk mencelakakanmu, nescaya mereka tidak akan mampu mencelakakanmu selain yang telah ditetapkan Allah atasmu.

Yakini takdir Allah.

Iman jangan mati.

Cuba lagi, lagi dan lagi.

*Going to Hospital Bahagia, Tanjung Rambutan this Friday. Nak belajar banyak benda, insha Allah.. Oh Friday Izzati xm, GOOD LUCK XATI!! I'll pray for you dear. *hugs*

Kaca Berdebu

Ia ibarat kaca yang berdebu
Jangan terlalu keras membersihkannya
Nanti ia mudah retak dan pecah

Ia ibarat kaca yang berdebu
Jangan terlalu lembut membersihkannya
Nanti ia mudah keruh dan ternoda

Ia bagai permata keindahan
Sentuhlah hatinya dengan kelembutan
Ia sehalus sutera di awan
Jagalah hatinya dengan kesabaran

Lemah-lembutlah kepadanya
Namun jangan terlalu memanjakannya
Tegurlah bila ia tersalah
Namun janganlah lukai hatinya

Bersabarlah bila menghadapinya
Terimalah ia dengan keikhlasan
Karena ia kaca yang berdebu
Semoga kau temukan dirinya
Bercahayakan iman

al-Maidany, Kaca Yang Berdebu

Just Move On...

"The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you, it is when
you don't understand yourself."
~Anonymous

"Ya Allah, rahmat-Mu aku harapkan, janganlah Engkau serahkan (segala urusanku) kepada diriku walau sekelip mata, perbaikilah segala urusanku, tiada Tuhan yang berhak disembah selain Engkau"
Aamiin Ya Rabbal 'Alamiin...

*Ganbarimasu!! LONG WAY AHEAD. I have 2 weeks before Psychiatry ends. Holiday for a week. THEN the thrill starts~! (EasyNoTension, Opthalmology, Anaesth) Pray for me please~

Ainerhpozihcs!

Just a note.
The key: Signs and symptoms, duration, impaired functioning.

DSM-IV
A. Active Phase - 2 or more of the following (1 month duration)

1. delusions*
   
2. hallucinations*
   
3. disorganized speech (eg. loosening of association)
   
4. grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
   
5. negative symptoms (The As: Affect flat, Alogia, Avolition, Anhedonia)
   

*only 1 symptom is required if delusions are bizarre (eg. "I am Allah")
or hallucinations - running commentaries(betul ke solat macam tu?)/3rd person (dia tu gila)

B. Social/occupatinal dysfunction

C. 6 months duration of continuous signs of disturbance including 1 month of active phase

D. Exclude schizoaffective + mood disorders

E. Exclude substance/GMC (general medical condition)

F. If the patient has a history of pervasive developmental disorder, there must be prominent delusions/hallucinations for at least 1 month for additional diagnosis of Schizophrenia.

Schizophrenic patients are INTELLIGENT people!
Some people are unfortunate. They develop this chronic and debilitating disease bit by bit.

Prodromal symptoms (decrease function in important areas, new interest) →Active Phase → Residual Phase (develop negative symptoms)

These are symptoms which are suggestive of Schizophrenia besides other psychotic disorders that we could think of. The First Rank Schneiderians Symptoms:

③auditory hallucinations (Have u heard voices that others don't hear?)
- running commentary
- 3rd person
- thought echo (own thought spoken loud)

④passivity phenomenon (Ever been controlled by some force or external power?)
- made feelings
- made actions
- made impulse
- somatic passivity (feels current in the brain, gastric churning)

③thought possession
- Thought withdrawal
- Thought insertion
- Thought broadcasting

① delusional perception
- reference
- persecutory (Is anybody against you?)
etc.

Preferably, ask using 'how', 'why', simply said the open ended type of questions. It gives a better and wider space for the patient to reveal their hidden symptoms. And of course, be patient :)

The Mental Status Exam (MSE)
Appearance: Dishaveled
Speech: Disorganized at times. But normal volume and tone. It varies I guess. Huhu.
Emotion: Flat affect, incongruent to thoughts
Perception: Auditory hallucinations
Thoughts: Persecutory delusion, delusion of reference, a patient of mine had suicidal ideation
Insight: Poor/Good, the patients I've met here usually were lack of insight
Cognition: Abstract thinking intact

(This isn't a generalisation, it's just a description to remember a patient with this disease)

Every patient is unique in his/her own way :)

Schizophrenia
by
DropDeadSleeping

She lay red with puffy cheeks.
Two shot guns at her feet.
Shaking her head.
They dance around like little puppets,
mocking her every sin.
Wishing she were dead.
Taunting her every move,
Watching her every mistake.
It was all fake.
Telling her to kill
Or even take a pill.
Popping X,
Just a temporary game.
So unfairly played.

Ya Allah ya Tuhan Kami, hanya Engkaulah yang menghilangkan kesedihan, Engkaulah yang Maha Menyembuhkan, tidak ada yang mampu menyembuhkan kecuali hanya Engkau yang menyembuhkan, sembuh tanpa terasa sakit...

Break The Siege!!

Wahai Tuhan kami,
sesungguhnya kami letakkan Engkau di batang leher musuh-musuh kami,
kami jadikan-Mu sebagai pendinding (kepada musuh-musuh) kami,
dan kami berlindung dengan-Mu daripada kejahatan mereka.

Wahai Tuhan kami,
binasakanlah kesempurnaan mereka,
dan pecah-belahkanlah jemaah mereka,
dan gagapkanlah perkataan mereka,
goyahkanlah pendirian mereka,
dan hantarkanlah anjing-anjing ke atas mereka dari anjing-anjing Mu,

Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Gagah Perkasa,
Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Berani,
Wahai Tuhan Yang bersifat Murka,
Ya ALLAH, Ya ALLAH, Ya ALLAH.
Tuhan yang menurunkan Kitab (al-Quran),
Tuhan yang menjalankan awan,
dan Tuhan yang menghancurkan tentera al-Ahzab,

Hancurkanlah mereka, dan bantulah kami ke atas mereka,
Amin. Amin. Amin Ya Rabbal A’lamiin..

WE DO CARE ABOUT PALESTINE, DON'T WE?

LifeLine4Gaza Info.

OCD Monk.

Monk, the real OCD.

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words,

Watch your words, for they become actions,

Watch your actions, for they become habits,

Watch your habits, for they become character,

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny"

The Monk series reminds me of Bandung... My housemates and I back in Bandung used to watch Monk while having lunch and dinner EVERYDAY ^_^ Monk is seriously genius and funny! Probably because of the disease that drove him crazy - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. A psychiatric disorder.

On that note, let's talk about OCD and how could it possibly helped Monk going into details of all the investigations being done. Mind you, the 'Holy' book in Psychiatry is DSM-IV which is quite a number to be memorized. But I'll try to simplify them for your convenience okay. I just pray that my memories are not tangled inside my brain, especially during exams. Na'uzubillah~

By definition, well, you can google it if you find mine is not that convincing. It's just that I prefer to create a story every time I hit the medical books so that I could chain all the infos together without losing any.

The essence of OCD are..
1. Obsession : Thoughts - recurrent, intrusive.
2.Compulsion: Behaviour - repetitive, to relieve anxiety in response to obsession.

It is a disorder characterized by recurrent and persistent intrusive thoughts, impulses or images from one's own mind which are unpleasant that makes one anxious because they can't resist. In turn, one shall 'obey' the obsession to neutralize the disturbing thoughts by doing it over and over again up to the point where it could harm the patient. Worse if it affects the functioning either socially or occupational function.

The same happened to Detective Adrian Monk. He can't stand it if the spoons are not symmetrically arranged, the books must be placed in order with definite and accurate measurements, not even an inch of difference. Once, he was trapped and tied along with some other people by a bad guy in a room with an unsymmetrical window blind at the corner. He managed to grab a sharp stuff and untie himself, however, instead of rescuing others, he stormed to the window blind and fixed it real good! I can't imagine being one of the other victims, watching an open door being locked as soon as I think I'll be free. Lawak btol Pakcik Monk ni.

Also, if I were to list all the phobias that he has, I might as well make a book out of it because it reaches over hundred items!!

Come to think of it, I realize that being a detailed person makes Monk a greater detective as to how he can remember exactly all the images at the crime scene, the evidence be it verbal or non verbal and so on. Pure genius.

Anyhow, like Monk, patients with OCD usually have good insight about their sickness. They know that they worry about unreasonable stuffs excessively. They are aware of it and they wish to get rid of all the intruders!

Poor Monk. This could be due to some stressful life events during his childhood. His father was not that "fatherly" you know. Once he got OCD, the course usually varies but like Monk, it is chronic with only around 30% of patients showing significant improvement with treatment.

Another important thing in psychiatry is to manage the patient as a whole. By that I mean considering 3 major aspects which are BIO, PSYCHO, SOCIAL of the patients. For instance, how to treat OCD:

Bio: SSRIs are the first line drugs, preferably in higher doses. Last resort would be ECT.
Psycho: Obsession - behavioural therapy (touching the dirty floor without washing hands), anxious mood (need to bear with the thought of dirty hands) - relaxation techniques.
Social: Social skills? (sukati je :p)

Monk has his own psychiatrist, Dr. Charles Kroger who constantly and patiently listened to Monk's progression each time they met. Psychiatrist memang sangatlah penyabar! Sometimes Dr. Kroger gave him suggestions like trying to mingle with some other people in a normal way.. but it didn't work out, mostly :( Tapi dia terer siasat! :)

So from thought to words to actions to habits to character to destiny.. I guess it's clear enough that we can create a good chain of all those by initially having good thoughts and of course, a good heart ^_^

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~
Say, "I seek refuge in Lord of Mankind",
The King of Mankind,
The God of Mankind,
From the evil whisperings of the evil whisperer,
Who whispers into the hearts of men,
From among jin and men.
[surah An-Nas]

*Currently busy doing my Case Write Up (CWU) on Major Depressive Disorder. My patient came in with a slashed wrist, a suicidal attempt, and she's only 20 :'(

Nature or Nurture?

I was looking at the ground..

I nearly forgot that we're actually made from it -_-; The forgettable origin.. am I forgivable? Astaghfirullah~

Humans have characteristics similar to the ground from the ground up. Humans, like ground, (byknye ground) are soft and weak, rough and hard, some are generous and charitable like a fat land, like the rich soil that gives rise to many many fruits and veges etc. On the other hand, there are stingy humans, like a barren land not permitting any veges popping out, very dry almost like a wasteland. In other words, humans are different from one another, a diversity.

When walking on the ground, we watch our steps to prevent us from getting tripped or fall down. Stepping on a hard path causes no worries. From the other standpoint, stepping on a softer surface needs extra precaution.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:
"Allah created Adam from a handful of dust taken from different lands, so the children of Adam have been created according to the composition of the land. Therefore from mankind we have white, red, black and yellow ones; we have good and evil, ease and sorrow, and what comes in between them"
-Sahih al Bukhari

That's why we need to be considerate while managing human diversity. People are not all the same. What more as a future doctor, I have to be able to assimilate with all the patients that carry along different behaviours. For me, behaviour is a hint to one's perspective and decision making. Also, a hint to the way we're being nurtured. Or is it nature that actually shape who we are? Putting aside choosing 'both' as the conclusion, let's try picking a side. Nature vs Nurture. Hmm..?

By the way, this is a poem which I love so so much from a book I got from Indonesia. I think the author truly master the magical 'construction' that lies inside a human body:

Manusia wujud dari lapisan perkara,
Ia adalah daging, tapi punya seajaib nyawa.
Ia adalah tulang, tapi mampu bermimpi,
Ia adalah darah, tapi boleh berempati,
Ia adalah benda, tapi mampu berlari,
Ia adalah tubuh yang diisi roh,
Dan roh bersatu menjadi penting bagi kemanusiaan itu sendiri.

Subhanallah.

It's my nature to cry when I watch sad movies :"> It's my friend's nature not to cry when doing the same thing, maybe because she was nurtured to be tough :p

What say you?

*****

Sometimes... I don't understand how does a person feel, what's bugging a person, what does a person need, what do I have to do to clear things up.. I don't get it, I'm clueless and I don't know what to do. I tried so hard to cope but failed in the end most of the time. I tried to ignore but the thoughts keep running. It hurts so bad I can't take it sometimes. Is this normal? Because I don't want to end up being in the psychiatric ward with a reserved bed. I need education, a strong one :(

Patients: yesterday I managed to clerk a lady with Panic disorder w/o Agoraphobia in front of my supervisor for the very first time. It seemed like I was the one who needs all the anxiolytics available. Menggelabah sungguh~
Book of the moment: Currently in love with the Interview Guide for Evaluating DSM-IV Psychiatry Disorder and the Mental Status Examination. Handy!

Pesanan Akhir As-Syahid Syed Qutub Rahimahu'llah

Dublin, May 16th, 2010

Salam BFFs and readers alike.
Happy Teacher's Day!

I came across a book, and couldn't help noticing this bit of wisdom shared in it.
Off we go.

Pesanan Akhir As-Syahid Syed Qutub Rahimahu'llah

Saudara!
Seandainya kau tangisi kematianku.
Dan kau siram pusaraku dengan air matamu
Maka di atas tulang-tulangku
Yang hancur luluh.
Nyalakan obor buat ummat ini
Dan....
Teruskan perjuangan ke gerbang jaya.

Saudara!
Kematianku adalah satu perjalanan,
Mendapatkan kekasih yang sedang merindu
Taman-taman di syurga tuhanku bangga menerimaku
Burung-burungnya berkicau riang menyambutku
Bahagialah hidupku di alam abadi

Saudara!
Puaka kegelapan pasti akan hancur
Dan alam ini akan disinari fajar lagi
Biarlah rohku terbang mendapatkan rindunya,
Janganlah gentar berkelana di alama abadi
Nun di sana fajar sedan memancar....

(Ditulis beberapa ketika sebeleum menemui SYAHID)

Tergetar jiwa bila membaca pesanan ini.
Jelas sungguh As-Syahid dengan matlamat hidupnya.
Bagaimana pula dengan kita?
Moga kita sabar dan thabat dalam perjuangan.

Asma dear, all the best for your exam.
Leya, enjoying the busy life? Hoping the best for you.

Selamat Hari Lahir Nadiah Zainal Abidin. :)

p.s: no of patients met: 8? (but I can't take a proper history or do a proper physical exam)
book currently reading: You can be the happiest woman in the world, by Dr Aid al-Qarni (hak milik seorang senior yang sudah pun bergelar doktor.)

worldly justice revealed.

Venue: Tutorial room, XYZ Department, ABC Hospital.
11 medical students were waiting for the doctor.
Teaching session was about to start.
The door was finally opened...

Dr.: Why so many of u? (manglish)

Pause.

H: Because there are UNPAD students here.
Dr: Oh so you guys are here? Raise up your hands, I want to know you.

They were reluctant at first, but they put up their hands anyway. The 3 of them - W, I, N.

Dr: Why are you here? You don't belong here. Why did you jump from there to here?

Tense. Pause.

Dr: Kidding!
The Dr. went outside for a while to meet the registrar. He was discussing something more important.

W: What was that just know?
H: What? The Dr asked and I gave him/her the answer. What's the big deal?
W: Why did you bring up this UKM - UNPAD thing? I don't like what the Dr said.
H: Well then it's not my business.

***********************************
To H, like it or not, WE'RE STAYING!

BFFs, this heartbreaking incidence happened just recently. And it's not the first time. It has been a year since we touched down and we managed to experience some sorts of discrimination, being compared, been given some kind of drive to URGE us the twinning program student doctors to be better, preferably, better than the ORIGINAL UKM students. No less.

I guess it's a norm that people sometimes are skeptical when it comes to new things, new people or anything new to them. I look up to people that has a powerful adaptability. The ones whom do not feel threatened or annoyed by the presence of unfamiliarity in their lives but acknowledge them with respect. I always wonder how does the faculty perceive us, the very lucky twinning students especially as we enter the clinical year here. Are we beneficial in any way? I might sound like an oversensitive, cry baby type of girl but this is how WE actually feel after hearing those kinds of hurtful words all this while. We feel like our existence here is planned but somehow unwanted by certain people. Putting aside the minority cases, we value all the lecturers that had given us so many precious knowledge and something to be kept for a meaningful life, wholeheartedly. Not to forget, there are hundreds of wonderful friends who accepted us with open arms here. All in all. we feel privileged to be given such honour to receive the best of both worlds - UNPAD and UKM. And maybe being hurt is the price to pay for it.

"Do men think that they will be left alone because they say, ‘We believe,’ and that they will not be tested?" [Al-Ankabut: 3]